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~ 諷刺 ~
最近, 港聞版都以頗顯注的篇幅報導一些援交個案。據報, 越來越多青少年參與其中, 有些甚至小得只有12歲!!!
~ 自縛 ~
跌倒的經驗與再度跌倒的恐懼，常令我們條件反射地讓繩索交錯地把自己團團圍住, 於是我們無法伸開雙臂，甚至因此失去平衡,幾乎絆倒!!!!
其實，這些盤結的繩索是何等的多餘, 這些枷鎖完全沒有存在的必要! 只要專心走路便成了, 為何要這麼愚蠢用繩結一隻繭把自己拴死?! 然而, 滾滾紅塵, 也許我們在乎太多的身外事, 於是, 仍免不了重覆結繭拆繭這消耗精力的無謂過程, 為的是我們只能做到暫悟, 於是總身不由己地，再由悟入迷，重重復復, 永遠被牽牽絆絆....
~ hook up ~
Seems like it would be difficult to live without modern technology nowadays and if you don’t have a cell phone / a pc , you’re considered an alien ~ But how did our parents and our grandparents manage their lives, when the mobile phone/ blackberry/ computer didn’t exist?
I believe cell phone is what we use the most among all the technology devices today. If you look around, it's very much like a drug that ppl are so addicted to. But personally, I don’t use it that much ( usually less than an hr a month). I seldom turn it on and this often drives my boss , my frds and family a lil crazy coz they can hardly reach me. When you spend ur life hung @ ur cell, doesn't juz posing a hazard on the road, it can also be annoying for the ppl around you too ~ And I'm not juz talking about how you interfere others while in the theater, library, gallery and etc ~ I remember my frd JC once told me she encountered the opposite of him on a date, and that he managed to exasperate her within 30 minutes . “Each time that his blackberry beeped, he had to look at it to see if he received an email. And it beeped almost every 5 minutes. I had the impression he didn’t care about me @ all. Each time I began a conversation wif him, we were interrupted by his blackberry. @ the end of the date, I juz knew I wouldn’t spend more time wif him, since he was unable to give me a lil bit of his time ~ and by a lil bit, I mean not juz periods of seconds” she said. True, hanging @ ur cell / blackberry while you're wif someone can be interpreted as if you don’t care about him / her, and find the conversation you have wif the person on the phone more interesting / important than the one who’s right in front of you. In other words, it can be disrespectful.
Of course, some ppl don’t mind about that. I’ve seen many couples both hung @ their mobile while in the restaurant, and they seem fine wif that. Guess it’s juz a question of point of view. Yet, it’s best to be on the same wavelength in that case. You won’t have the same ability to understand someone who can’t live without a cell if you’re not addicted urself to that.
~ 網絡空間 ~
可有算過每天打開電郵信箱多少次？1次?兩次?還是多得算不清？
現代人與他們的電郵信箱﹐彷彿已不能分離, 算是一種病態嗎? 我們打開信箱﹐其實想看見什麼,想收到什麼？是愛情? 是友情? 是資訊? 是驚喜? 是回憶? 還是生活的全部? 以近乎機械式的手指﹐不能自拔地一次又一次打開信箱﹐找到了嗎？等到了嗎？從堆得滿滿的郵件當中﹐看見想看的嗎？也許, 其實沒什麼期待﹐就只是一種習慣而已。 近年的電郵信箱容量爭相擴大﹐似乎一輩子也用不完。6454MB是多少？像千支兩公升果汁那麼多嗎？是百個回收盒的容量嗎？還是十個貨櫃箱的貯存量？而網絡世界的空間到底在哪兒？東西又存在哪裡？太抽象了, 我這個電腦白癡完全不明白, 反正6454MB 好像就足夠容納一個人的生命了!!! 眼前的電郵信箱﹐用了大概7年﹐存了百多封郵件。當中有電子帳單﹐網上購物收據﹐朋友間的胡扯﹐追索不到源頭的forwarding﹐健康資訊等等, 從生活上最微小的事﹐到生命中的大議題﹐全部共存於這6,000多MB的虛無空間之中 ~ 一個電郵信箱﹐彷彿已是一個人的生命縮影。 已攪不清是我們的生活侵佔了網絡世界﹐還是網絡世界侵蝕了我們的生命？反正,此刻只看見電腦熒幕前﹐有一雙成為了電子科技奴隸的疲累眼睛伴隨著一個空洞的靈魂.....
~ 期望 ~
最近不少朋友找我傾吐積鬱事，然後，我發覺大部份人的煩惱與不快樂，都源於自設的期望。 做人真的很矛盾吧 ~ 沒有期望, 生命會變得毫無目標意義；但設下太多期望，就得面對失望和挫敗。 其實，別人沒有責任去配合你的期望，正因為這樣，我們也毋須為別人無法配合自己而感到沮喪 ! 任何時候，能努力做好自己就已經很好了。
~ infidelity ~To me, fidelity is one of the most important qualities ~ especially when it comes to partnership.
But everywhere I turn, I see many men cheating on their wives and then expecting them to hang around for the humiliation, when they would never do the same.(look @ those politicians!!!!) I see a lot of ppl showing contempt those who choose to be loyal in the face of embarrassment or adversity, calling them suckers or assuming they are somehow up to no good. Do modern ppl truly understand the value of loyalty? Or ppl today are increasingly out for only themselves? ~ happiness is contagious
這世界綁著我們的東西已經夠多了，如果連自己都綁著自己，我們便難以踏上快樂之途。
現代人因生活忙碌、機械式的生活型態、生存壓力的壓迫，而漸漸忘卻快樂的真正本質。 我們常常會忽略，或遺忘一些事 ~ 包括快樂。 臉上帶著笑容不代表快樂，面無表情也不代表不快樂。究竟什麼方才是真正的快樂，我想每個人都在找尋屬於自己的答案。大概，能找到答案已然是件快樂的事了。
人，為什麼要快樂？因為快樂，心放寬了，眼界放寬了，能夠包容的幅度變寬了，能吸收進生命的也就相對地越多越廣。
生活中其實有不少能夠讓人快樂的元素，只要留點點，就會發現元素的所在。而真正懂得快樂的人，會將快樂隨身攜帶，並給他人分享 ~ 讓小小快樂的延伸擴展，成為大大的快樂！
~ loneliness ~
I believe there're many ppl who truly enjoy their single lives ~ They're happy,excited and upbeat. They go thru days feeling optimistic and cheerful. Their schedules are filled wif frds, family and social activities ~ but still, they feel lonely from time to time.
I think all singles will go thru periods of not only feeling lonely, but of actually being alone ~ ur best frd is out of town, ur buddies have gone scuba diving. You've called all ur acquaintances and they're all busy. Now that you don't have one soul to spend ur day wif......... Loneliness is a painful feeling , especially when you face the starkness of only being greeted by ur dog day after day ~ it's very depressing!!!
Loneliness is a gnarly beast that lurks around smothers ur delight and leaves you standing sad and small ~ On my worst day, I feel worse than lonely ~ I feel stale, abandoned and forced by whims of fate to live alone.......I feel very very sorry for myself ~ BUT ~ it's still better than feeling lonesome sleeping next to someone you barely know!!
~ 淡然 ~
倚簾聽風雨，淡然看人生.........
~ 適放 ~
有時候，我們會把怒氣及壞情緒，往錯誤的對象身上發洩投放 ~ 明是老闆、同事或客戶開罪我們，卻把怒氣發洩在配偶及家人身上。
生氣絕對不是一種罪，我們的情緒需要「釋放」，但卻同時要懂得「適放」 ~ 懂得適可而止，適量地抒發，並對適當的人表達適合的情緒意向，切勿將廢氣胡亂排放。 thinking of you on father's day...............
一個多年來跟你住在同一屋簷下的親人，每天若無其事地在你面前起身擦牙洗面。因為太熟，關係變得麻木，你甚至連早晨也沒跟他說過一句。
然後, 那天他睡在醫院的病床，不醒人事，全身插滿一條又一條的管子，醫生告訴你, 數小時後他將會離開世界。你緊握著他的手, 不住地叫喚他，可是，他的神經已經麻木, 瞳孔已經放大，腦幹也快將死亡。任你如何落力地叫喊，他已然不能反應...... 你在床沿嚎哭，暗自責備自己為何常為生活的瑣碎而跟他嘔氣，更後悔從來沒有對他說過一句「我愛你」......... 生命，從來不在我們掌握，原來, 能夠在早上爭廁所，也是一種緣份, 甚至是一種細碎的溫馨, 因為, 你永遠不知道下一秒鐘, 天會否暗下來..........
~ 黑心棉被 ~報載,四川江油市在把救災物質卸車時, 其中一張被子無意中被撕破了，赫見一團黑色的髒棉花, 當數百套棉被一張張被撕開後，驚見全為「黑心棉」製品!!!據暸解, 國內有不少小廠專門生產黑心棉，並傾銷到全國各地。黑心棉工廠專門以廢舊布料等生活垃圾作原料，經過漂白及加工後用作生產棉衣和棉被等生活用品。這些未經嚴格消毒的劣質棉類製品是細菌的溫床，皮膚接觸後輕則出現紅色斑點，重則會產生中毒反應。
大概中國已經太多假貨新聞了﹐我們再也見怪不怪。只是沒想到有人借此發國難財而已!!! 金玉其外﹐敗絮其中, 一張張新棉被﹐內裡卻原來是垃圾一堆。 有些時候﹐我們會某人的陰暗面突然曝光﹐而驚訝不已 ~ 什麼？原來他是這樣的人?! 真看不出來﹗ ~ 然而, 當我們為別人平日隱藏得很好的陰暗而驚訝的同時 ? 也許, 該先看看自己吧﹐我們不也有著不為人知的陰暗面嗎？ 你看著別人﹐別人看著你﹐大家心裡其實都知道﹐隱藏於各自心底深處都有一個旁人不能想像探索到的陰暗處 ~ 不同層面的歧視﹑色慾﹑自私﹑貪婪﹑ 妒忌﹑......只是各自都收藏得很好而已。
其實, 我們都是"聊齋異誌"裡的一個故事"畫皮"的主角!!! 有數算過在生活中掛著多少塊畫皮嗎？上班時一塊, 上教堂時一塊, 對著情人時一塊, 對家人時一塊, 跟朋友吃喝玩樂時一塊.....琳琳種種，數之不盡！！！ 那麼, 究竟哪一面才是真正的自己？也許﹐全部都不是! 因為即使是對著最親密的人或無所不談的知己﹐我們也不會敞開所有真相, 總會為自己保留一點點 ~ 一點點自私﹑一點點不希望對方發現的念頭﹑情感﹑慾望﹑幻想.......因此, 一切都是外面披上的一塊皮, 唯一最真的就是包裹在皮裡那堆殘腐的東西!!!!
men don't cry?
Some ppl ~ like me ~ cry a lot. Some ppl, on the other hand, don’t feel the need to cry ~ this often makes me wonder how they deal wif their emotions. Well, perhaps they have some other form of release that they use to blow off steam or pent-up emotions. Tho there’s absolutely nothing wrong wif crying , but men in general seldom admit that they cry too. Very few guys would allow themselves to be caught crying in public. But personally, I luv guys who aren't embarrassed to cry in front of a gal. It’s juz so endearing. Crying doesn’t make them less of a man in my book. For me, it juz shows that they’re in touch wif their emotions and not ashamed of letting others know what they feel. I think it's juz our society has always portrayed crying as weak and unmanly, that’s why most men find it hard to shed tears in front of other ppl. But I think given the right situation and wif the right support, a man will be able to cry in front of someone who won’t judge or criticize them for doing so. Men can be sensitive beings as well ~ whether they admit it or not .
城市閒情~ A day @ Edward Garden都說Toronto的景點不多，可堪遊覽的地方比不上Vancouver 或 Montreal，但我會說，不珍視自己擁有的東西是人的通病。 其實, 只要懂得細意欣賞、品味，你會發現周遭的景觀、事物其實各有故事，各有文化，甚至各有情味 , 所以 , 總喜歡從微細的生活中尋找樂趣。 就好像位於 North York 的 Edward Garden，小橋流水，翠綠嫣紅，蹓躂其中已然是一種生活樂趣。
這樣便滿足？ 對呀 ! ~ 樂天知命、知足常樂，不好嗎？ 滿足於做一個平凡人。
~ 她的一生 ~
她，帶著蜜甜的笑臉來到這世界，然後，被護士小姐打屁股，她放聲豪哭 ~ 從此，她開展了充滿喜怒哀樂的人生......... 小時候，她每天醒來，睜開眼睛的第一個動作，便是裂咀而笑，她的 sweet，感染了身邊每一個人，在萬千寵愛下，她日漸成長...... 不曉得從甚麼時候開始，她對愛的渴求越來越貪婪 ~ 她不僅要 父母、親人、師長、朋友的愛，她還渴望得到一個自己心儀的男孩子的愛......... 然後，她進帶著甜美的憧憬，進入了引人入勝的愛情世界 ....... 然而，像大多學人一樣 ~ 她的初戀，最終失敗收場。 之後，隨著一段又一段的情感經歷，在無數的歡笑和眼淚中，她學懂很多 ~ 在相處、相愛和相容之間，她體驗了愛情的酸苦和辛辣，每種感受都深刻而難忘；她開始知道，甚麼時候要放手，甚至已然習慣了離合 ! 雖然每次仍不能避免地帶著失望或傷感離場，但她深信總有幸福到臨的一天........
然後，他出現了，他們都互相承諾會憂戚與共地攜手走過終點.......
然而，不曉得從甚麼時候開始，他對她的寵惜越來越少，但她明白沒有一段婚姻是完美亮麗的，於是，她不斷在裂痕中縫縫補補.......
可是不曉得是他不夠運，或是她更倒霉，最終她還是親眼目睹他的背叛.......
她不敢問，為怕得到的是她不想要的答案!
日子一天一天地過，然而，再沒有人記得，她，曾經是個笑蕾如花的女生 ~ 為著，她只學懂原諒，卻未學懂忘記.......
這是自己認識的一位女生的 mini biography， 深信也是不少女生的經歷 ~ 一個又一個generation過去了，但多少女生能真正走出宿命............. `please hear what i'm not saying"
 Written by Charles C. Finn in September 1966 ~ "please hear what I'm not saying" is one of my all time favorite poems ~ This is deep, and describes how I feel so many times throughout life!
Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.
I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.
~孤身走我路~
今天收到一封讀者來函 , 細訴新近喪母之痛 , 讓我又再一次想起11年前的創痛 ......
一夜輾轉 , 於是乾脆起來收看早前錯過了的一輯向世界出發 之梵蒂岡的信望愛之旅 。
當看到羅蘭站於梵蒂岡的建築物前﹐談及她母親過世的一部份﹐淚水禁不住在眼眶打轉。 多年來﹐羅蘭與母親雙依為命﹐每周日都一起到教堂。因此, 當羅老太於94年過世後﹐她首次孤身到教堂的第一個周日, 深感茫然若失及難過, 特別是從教堂獨自回家的一段路。 「人的一生本來就是一個人來﹐一個人走, 最重要是在這段人生路上感受過愛﹐便已然無憾。」這是節目完結時﹐陳志雲的旁白。 儘管我們都深諳, 人生本來就是一個孤獨的旅程, 從開始到完結, 都是一個人走的路, 每個人皆是獨自呱呱地落入塵世, 然後一天一天地慢慢去學習面對這個世界。什麼是喜怒哀樂﹐什麼是甜酸苦辣﹐什麼是友情﹑親情﹑愛情﹑什麼是生離死別﹐都是一個人獨自探索的成長歷程。沿途遇上的人﹐不管是在我們身旁五分鐘﹐或是五十年, 都不過是過客。可是我們還是恨不得有無盡頭的愛﹐一個延至永恆的擁抱..... 也許正因為這樣﹐宗教所給人的永恆承諾﹐就成為了一種支柱 ~ 一種超越肉體﹑超越塵世﹑超越時間的精神寄托。讓我們在生死邊緣時﹐存有一絲曙光 ~ 這不是永別, 我們終會再度重遇 ~ 孤獨的路程走到最後﹐便不再孤獨。
Tribute to Dr. Sheela Basrur
I was deeply saddened when heard of Dr. Sheela Basrur died after a 17-month battle wif a rare form of cancer yesterday. Dr. Basrur was an amazing MD best known for her pivotal role in managing the SARS crisis in Toronto in 2003. She was a woman of great courage and she always had the strength to give her best advice. When Ontario needed her most, she was the calm voice that guided our way.Her determination to protect health and to prevent illness was enormous.She was such a remarkable woman and her passion for public service made her an extraordinary Chief Medical Officer of Health for Ontario. I'm sure all Ontarians will remember her for her leadership during the SARS crisis. R.I.P
~ 六四又一年 ~
六四 , 又一年了。
儘管燭光晚會的人數明顯地一年比一年少 , 但一批忠於自己信念的熱心人士﹐仍不放棄﹐每年都拉起橫額, 力竭聲嘶地吶喊「Democracy in China」 ( 今年因與關注四川地震的主題結合在一起, 所以採取靜態方式，只打出標語，不呼喊口號 )。 說實在的 , 頗為這些人的堅持而感動 ~ 每個人都努力地為著不同的個人理想而奮搏 , 然而 , 卻只有很少的一部份人﹐選擇為中國人的民主理想花上大輩子的力氣與時間 ~ 即使 , 深知道大概在生命完結前﹐也許仍無緣看見自己渴望的結果 , 可是 , 還是要努力把柔弱的花瓣拋向大石 | ||||||||||||||
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